Moan for me like Helen Keller
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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