You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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