I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
