So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
