Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
