i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
