He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
