she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
