So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
