so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
