He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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