I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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