you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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