I wanna passion pit in your ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
