there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
