Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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