Your tits are I can't wait for
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
