I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
