I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My bed smells like the plague
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
