I can text with my tongue
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize