there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize