I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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