Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what day is it and did you see me today?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
