this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
