They should really pass out barf bags in church
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
