Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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