So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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