I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
