Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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