On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
