Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize