put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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