haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
