BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
