Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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