what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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