had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
