Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
