I'm drive I can fine osifer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
