If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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