my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
