4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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