I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
