No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
