Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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