Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
