i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
