You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
