I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
