No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
