Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
