I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
