he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
