You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize