You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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