there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
