We're facebook friends in real life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
