I met the friendliest cop last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
