i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
