Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it because I queefed?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize