we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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