Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize