Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
