my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
