The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
