dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
