do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
