I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
