Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
