dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
