After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
