I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
